How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?_

Fiorello: No, that's no good. _

Driftwood: What's the matter with it?_

Fiorello: I dunno. Let's hear it again. _

Driftwood: It says the, ah, "The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part."_ Fiorello: That sounds a little better this time._ Driftwood: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?_

Fiorello: Just the first part._

Driftwood: What do you mean? The party of the first part?

Fiorello: No, the first part of the party of the first part._ Driftwood: All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract." Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

Some 74 years later, the "party of the first part" is on its way to Capitol Hill - legislation proposing the creation of a Consumer Financial Protection Agency, a unit purportedly dedicated to protecting those who take out loans or sign up for financial products and services (read: credit cards).

Aside from the fact that this is currently government oversight agency No. 2,004 established under the current administration, the new entity will "have the power to set standards that consumers understand."

The party of the first part...

Now, I'll be the first one to admit that contract agreements for credit card companies and mortgage offers are far from pithy, and often deceiving, but somehow the president managed to keep a straight face assuring the public that a government-run protection agency will be created and at their disposal to simplify matters.

The mandates for the new agency will be to continuously monitor the financial marks for consumer risks (real or imagined) and will be provided - and here's where it gets a bit Orwellian - to regulate financial products providers including both banks and non-banks.

The agency is also intended to address some of the root causes of the mortgage crisis by having the ability to oversee all types of home mortgage lenders. Here's my suggested first step: Excoriate Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., and Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn. for their complicity and legislative inaction with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

One can only imagine not the amelioration of services contracts, but rather their unbridled expansion and increased costs to taxpayers. After all, hundreds of unnecessary staff members at a gratuitous and bloated federal agency have to be paid somehow.

For those unsure of what the next four years will look like, may I suggest a viewing of A Night at the Opera. I'm afraid it will be rerun many more times than we'd like.